I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
