They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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