Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
