omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
