You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
