Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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