he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
