You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
