There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
