she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
