we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
