Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
