Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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