i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
