while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
