god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
