Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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