mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
