His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
