He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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