Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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