While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
