its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
