Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
