Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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