actually, I'm a sock model
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
