I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
