I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
