mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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