Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
