Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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