Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
