took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
