he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
