am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
