he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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