I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
