hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
