woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
