Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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