I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
