Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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