I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
