I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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