SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
