so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
