Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
