On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
