I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
