I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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