So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
