I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
