okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
